


You Upset the Ferret, You Pay the Price

by HeroMaggie, Lamenta



Series: Ser Chompy brings people together [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Anders loves cats AND Ser Chompy, Ferret!Fenris, Fluff, Hawke has no tact, Hawke is also jealous, M/M, Merrill is sweet though, More Fluff, Relationship Talk, Ser Chompy is a jealous ferret, Sickeningly cute fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-03
Updated: 2015-08-03
Packaged: 2018-04-12 19:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4492326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroMaggie/pseuds/HeroMaggie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lamenta/pseuds/Lamenta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After blabbing to their friends about Fenris and Anders' budding relationship, Hawke decides to give Anders a gift...</p><p>So what if he also hopes to distract the healer from the ferret and a certain elf?</p><p>But the gift as some unintended consequences - and perhaps Hawke should just start listening to Merrill...</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Upset the Ferret, You Pay the Price

**Author's Note:**

> A collaboration for Fenders Appreciation Week! Lamenta actually came up with the premise and I wrote around it. As she puts it "this is teeth-rotting sweet."
> 
> As an aside - Hawke wants both men happy - he just hates feeling left out of things. And this entire relationship sorta formed DESPITE Hawke.

“Ma Vhenan, are you sure a cat is a good idea? He has Ser Chompy,” Merrill stood with Hawke just outside of Anders’ clinic. In Hawke’s hands was a large basket - one that was letting out little mrrps and then feline grumbling.

“Anders loves cats! Besides, Ser Chompy is Fenris’ ferret. I mean, it would be good for Anders to have a friend...yes?” Hawke glanced down into the basket and smiled at the little tabby.

“Hawke,” Merrill mused. “Anders has friends. And Fenris.”

“I’m sure that’s all a misunderstanding. They can’t possibly...I mean...Fenris and Anders? It won’t last. They are opposites,” Hawke said firmly, as if he really could not wrap his mind around the entire idea of the two men being lovers. “Or...am I wrong?”

Merrill sighed, “They are very close. But...perhaps another furry friend won’t be a bad idea. I just hope Ser Chompy doesn’t mind.”

“Oh no. Ferrets like other animals! I mean, I’m pretty sure they do,” Hawke tried to remember if it was Bethy’s ferret that used to charge at Martin and then shrugged. “Worst case scenario is that Ser Chompy doesn’t like the cat and Anders has to stop ferret sitting.”

“I think you’re jealous,” Merrill murmured as she knocked on the clinic door. “Because now that they have each other, they no longer turn to you for support.”

“That’s just...preposterous,” Hawke sputtered, opening the clinic door and calling out. “ Anders! Hey! We have a gift for you!”

Anders looked up from his spot on a cot and blinked. Ser Chompy romped into view, saw Hawke, and gave an aggravated sounding chitter. He saw Merrill and romped over to the little elf and nibbled on one toe before giggling and romping back to Anders.

“Hawke, Merrill...what are you doing here? Everything alright?” Anders reached down for Ser Chompy and placed the ferret on the cot with him. “What’s with the basket?”

“Surprise! It’s a gift!” Hawke exclaimed, thrusting the basket at Anders.

Ser Chompy pulled himself up to peer into the basket with Anders. There, on a pile of torn trousers, was curled a little tabby cat - the very picture of a long-haired fluff-ball. The cat lifted its head and mrrped at Anders - who, predictably, squealed in joy.

“It’s a cat!” The mage was gibbering at Ser Chompy - who was giving the basket a disgusted look. “A cat!”

Ser Chompy backed away from the basket, chattered, and promptly fell off the cot. Anders blinked and peered down at the disgruntled ferret. “You ok, Ser Chompy?” The ferret’s response was to chatter more and slink around Anders’ feet.

“Come HERE you adorable little fluff-ball,” Anders cooed once he was certain Ser Chompy was fine. The cat went limp and gazed at Anders with bright green eyes, purring gently. “Oh, aren’t you just precious? Aren’t you just so adorable? Yes you are.”

Ser Chompy made a sound akin to an annoyed huff and peered up. Despite his vision being absolutely useless in this form, Fenris could tell how utterly delighted Hawke was over Anders’ reaction to the cat. His mood decreased dramatically just listening to Anders cooing at the cat that was now curled up on the cot.

“So, what brought this on?” Anders asked while he bent down to scoop up Ser Chompy. The ferret, now almost on face level, squinted at Hawke, his little face a mask of pure fury. Yes, Hawke was most definitely delighted, if not utterly smug, at Anders’ reaction, and it took all of Fenris’ willpower to not jump their friend in the face and let his claws tell Hawke what he thought about this _present_.

Hawke cleared his throat while Fenris found himself placed on the cot, right next to the cat. His little button eyes glared at the tabby cat and the hand petting it lovingly.

“Well, as you know, I really screwed up the other day?” Hawke said around an awkward laugh. “I figured a mere apology really wouldn’t do, so… I remembered you always wanting another cat.”

Anders sighed. “We did accept your apology, Hawke.” He glanced at the cat. “But I won’t say no to this cute little thing. How could I, right?” He rubbed the cat’s chin and was rewarded with a happy purr. “I could never resist your cute little face, you precious little kitty.”

“I know, I know, but...having a cat around? I thought it would cheer you up.” Hawke grinned. “Distract you from...bad thoughts and ideas?”

Anders completely missed the way Merrill scowled at Hawke, but Ser Chompy did not and his quiet fury skyrocketed at the undeniable implication behind those words.

“Ser Fluffy Paws,“ Anders decided with a nod and a delighted smile. “You shall be named Ser Fluffy Paws, you handsome kitty, you.”

“Oh, that is such a cute name,” Merrill agreed cheerfully, even as she gave Hawke’s arm a warning pinch. Hawke watched with great interest as Ser Chompy arched his back and squeaked angrily at Ser Fluffy Paws. The cat, in return, regarded the ferret with disinterest, purring loudly as if to spite him. It earned the cat a hiss before the ferret jumped off the cot with an indignant squeak and skittered across the clinic.

Anders frowned. “Ser Chompy?” he called, but the ferret seemed to have vanished into thin air within the blink of an eye. Honey-colored eyes searched the place, the frown deepening. “What happened?

“They will warm up to each other, I’m sure,” Hawke said with a grin. “At least, you now have your own furry friend down here to keep you company.”

“Oh, but he does enjoy Ser Chompy visiting, doesn’t he?” Merrill said.

“Of course I do,” Anders confirmed. “I’m not _that_ lonely anymore, you know?” He gave Hawke a pointed look.

Something shattered behind Hawke before he had a chance to reply, and Anders glanced at the handful of broken vials now decorating the clinic’s dusty floor. Vials Anders had purchased only yesterday to restock his friends with potions. He may or may not have bought a very shiny one just for Ser Chompy to steal and bring to his little cave of wonders while Anders slept.

He sighed. “Ser Chompy, did you just –?”

With another angry squeak, Ser Chompy came flying from the shelf, landing on the mage’s shoulder. On the cot, Ser Fluffy Paws’ tail puffed up and the cat hissed, ears flat against its head. Ser Chompy pranced on the feather pauldron, back still arched.

“Oh dear,” Hawke sighed.

“Ser Chompy, what’s the matter?” Anders asked, reaching up to stroke his back soothingly, but the ferret was already jumping once again, elegantly landing on the cot – and smacking the cat’s head. Ser Fluffy Paws growled low in his throat and puffed up.

“I think Ser Chompy doesn’t like Anders’ new friend,” Merrill mused aloud. As if to confirm her words, Ser Chompy kicked the bandage Anders had just rolled up off the cot. It landed on the floor, a hand’s width away from the blond’s feet and unrolled.

“Maker!” Anders groaned. “Both of you, calm do—“

More squeaking and growling and hissing and suddenly, paws were flailing and tails were twitching. Hawke was torn between holding Anders back from trying to get between the two pets apparently having an argument about who should get the mage’s full attention and laughing hysterically.

“Maker damn it, Fenris!” Anders exclaimed, arms flailing helplessly; he then froze and hastily added – “ferret, what’s gotten into you?” He grabbed the angrily squeaking ferret and held him close to his chest.

Ser Fluffy Paws seized the moment and scurried from the clinic as fast as his four paws could carry him.

“Oh, no,” Merrill said with a sigh.

“I’ll catch him!” Hawke promised and chased after the angry fur ball.

Ser Chompy was still squirming and squeaking when Anders shot him a dirty look and marched off to the back of his clinic. “Be right back, Merrill!” he let her know as he disappeared into his private quarters, closing the curtain behind them, and unceremoniously dumped Ser Chompy on his cot. The ferret blinked owlishly at the mage’s stormy gaze.

“What’s your problem?” Anders exclaimed. “It was a perfectly cute cat and a gift from Hawke. What did Ser Fluffy Paws do to you?”

Within the blink of an eye, Anders found himself pushed against the wall by one very naked, very annoyed elf, green eyes spitting fire.

The mage swallowed and tried to think of something to do with his hands, other than letting them roam appreciatively over a very naked and angry elf’s beautiful body.

“I will not allow another pet to take my place when I cannot be around,” Fenris growled, ears pinking when he realized how he must sound.

Faced with the elf’s possessiveness, Anders’ anger evaporate and was replaced with something burning hot and needy - his knees going weak and his thighs trembling.

“Understood?” Fenris asked, though it was clear that wasn’t exactly the question he _meant_ to ask. At least, he didn’t sound too furious anymore.

Anders blinked and fought a playful smirk. “I…uh…I mean…”

“I will _not_ allow Hawke to try and...ruin this.” The elf seemed subdued now and Anders frowned at him.

“Fenris, what are you…?”

Fenris growled and crushed their mouths together, and any thought or question Anders may have had on his mind escaped him. The passion Fenris put into their rather sloppy kiss, a kiss Anders returned instinctively, fueled that spark of desire the elf’s possessiveness had already awakened inside of him, but he could still taste despair in it and it made Anders frown.

“Fenris,” Anders pushed against the elf’s chest while tilting his head back to break the kiss.

“I can’t…” Fenris sagged. “He is trying to push us apart already. Can’t you see it?”

It was obvious that the elf was miserable. His ears drooped, his shoulders sagged, and his eyes refused to meet Anders’. Something Hawke had said finally registered in Anders’ brain -  _distract you from bad thoughts and ideas -_ and the truth of it hit the mage square in the gut.

“Fenris. There is nothing Hawke can say or do that would make me change my mind about being with you.”

“Mage...I…” Fenris cleared his throat. “I should…”

“Silly elf,” Anders murmured, sliding a hand under the elf’s chin to tilt his face up. “Not even Ser Fluffy Paws could make me change my mind. The little cat will be a welcomed friend - for both of us, if you’ll let him be.”

Fenris allowed Anders to pull him back into another kiss, one that was markedly slower and gentler. When they parted, there was a flush on Anders’ cheeks and Fenris’ ears were pinked.

“Anders...I think I have an idea to solve this...problem. If you are willing,” Fenris met his mage’s eyes and smiled shyly. “An idea I’ve been toying with.” He leaned up and whispered into Anders’ ear, the mage blinking in shock before wrapping his arms tightly around Fenris.

“I will take that to be a yes, then?” Fenris said into Anders’ neck, huffing with laughter.

“Yes, you daft elf. Yes,” Anders said a little damply. “Now, let’s get Merrill and Hawke out of the clinic. Having you pressed against me like this is giving me some ideas.”

There was another huff of laughter and then Anders found himself hugging air - a ferret perched contentedly on his feet.

***

Hawke returned to the clinic with scratches on his arms and a slightly mollified Ser Fluffy Paws. Merrill took one look at the two of them and rushed to check the cuts - which, while long and bloody were just superficial. Ser Fluffy Paws looked a little matted and damp, but was otherwise unhurt.

“That blasted cat led me on quite the chase. And then, when I cornered him, bit me,” Hawke whined, holding his arms out to Anders.

“Serves you right, Hawke. You should have thought to talk to me before surprising me with such an adorable fluffy cat,” Anders’ speech edged back into cooing as he cast a quick healing spell before turning adoring eyes on the feline. “Now come here, sweetheart. Let’s try this again.”

Ser Chompy was curled up on a cot and chattered softly when the cat was placed next to him. Both animals exchanged a look, the cat hissing and fluffing up at the ferret. In response, Ser Chompy unfolded himself and nudged a feather at Ser Fluffy Paws. The feather flitted across the cot and caught the attention of the cat, who glanced at the ferret and then batted at the feather.

There was a slight giggle from the ferret as a chewed hair tie was also produced and promptly knocked from the cot. Ser Fluffy Paws took one look at the falling hair tie and pounced. Ser Chompy chittered and romped after the cat - the two of them starting an elaborate game of chase around the clinic while knocking the hair tie before them.

Anders watched them two of them romp and scamper for a minute, a look of pride on his face, before turning to Hawke. “Well then, that’s been settled. And it’s a good thing too.”

“Oh? Why? I wouldn’t think you’d have Ser Chompy around the clinic with the cat here,” Hawke was watching the games, Ser Fluffy Paws pouncing on Ser Chompy and the two of them wriggling and rolling before Ser Chompy squirmed loose and romped away.

“Because Fenris asked me to move in and I accepted,” Anders said smoothly, watching Hawke’s eyes bulge. “I admit that I was nervous but...I miss him at night.”

“Fenris or Ser Chompy?” Hawke choked.

“Both,” Anders said sheepishly.

“Oh Lethallin! I am so happy for you both! I will have to get you a housewarming gift. Ah...what would be a good one? I am unused to gifts for humans,” Merrill was bouncing happily on her toes.

“I wouldn’t mind a plant,” Anders said with a smile. “Fenris would say toys for Ser Chompy and Ser Fluffy Paws. Maybe a ribbon they can play with? Some mint?”

Merrill flitted over to the healer and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing tightly. “This is such wonderful news, is it not Hawke? Tell me if you two need help cleaning. Hawke and I will help.”

Hawke looked scandalized. “You want me to scrub floors? I...don’t…”

Anders let out a laugh, a laugh that grew when he realized Ser Chompy was chewing on the bottom of Hawke’s robe. There was a tug and then Ser Chompy was scampering away with the bottom button in his mouth.

“Hey!” Hawke gaped. “That’s...but...bad ferret! Bad, bad ferret! Anders!”

“I don’t know what to tell you, Hawke. You upset the ferret, you pay the price. His name is Ser Chompy.”

The sounds of ferret giggles and cat mrowing melded with Anders and Merrill giggling and Hawke grousing. Ser Chompy stashed the button under Anders’ cot and then romped over to Anders, curling around his mage’s ankle and letting out what sounded like a purr of happiness.

And Anders just picked him up, placing him on his shoulders. Sitting back down, he nabbed the cat, and began to stroke the little ball of fur. Merrill smiled, grabbed Hawke’s hand, and dragged him from the clinic.

And if Merrill said goodbye to Anders and Fenris, well, nobody corrected her - least of all Ser Chompy.


End file.
